Coffey vs. Dickey in the 2nd? Slice me off a piece of THAT

Told you so.

The Green Mouse reports that Dan Coffey—for decades a Democrat, then an independent, and now a Republican (somewhere a Falangist has lost his guardian angel)—today filed for the 2nd district council seat currently held by Disneycrat Adam Dickey, who had himself gloriously appointed to the position when Bob Caesar died, and also is the party chairman for county and district, and a Redevelopment Commission seatholder, and ambassador to the Wholly Sea, and to make a long story short, holds so many self-serving, small-pond levers of local power that he makes Don Corleone look like a streetcorner onanist.

For me, local politics is my only entertainment (I don’t watch tee-vee, folks), and so my single fondest hope for 2023 has been precisely this; the “copperhead” Coffey, now identifying as GOP and living in Dist. 2, challenging the recurringly unctuous fixer Dickey.

My friends, this Coffey (R) vs. Dickey (D) city council race stands to outstrip Disney, Marvel and the combined weight of the Kardashians in sheer entertainment value. Just a few weeks of campaigning, and “Idiocracy” will pale in comparison. I fairly salivate at the prospect of these two charlatans engaged in mortal political combat, so much so that I promise on Twitter last November that if it came about, I’d return to blogging, covering ONLY the battle royale for this single council seat.

I may be forced to don a hazmat suit. So it goes. Maybe the sewage treatment plant has one hidden somewhere, second-hand, in XXL, although we may have already used the fun money to build our new palatial police station.

Given that “Reisz Mahal” is already taken, I have a suggestion for the police headquarters: “Lubyanka.”

It’s a sensual old Russian word meaning “It’s Where You Want to Be.”

Apart from it all, and the hilarious ongoing internecine struggle between Democrats David Brewer and Jason Applegate to be the mayor’s chosen Prince of Wails, scheduled to remain as co-heirs to the throne until Gahan retires or expires at 96, I say to you: If we cannot laugh long and loud at the inevitable 2nd district hijinks to come, then we have become jaded and morose.

We must not allow ourselves to check satire at the door. Rather, fatalistic black humor is essential for our very survival.

Maybe, just maybe, I can provide some satire without getting pulled back into the mud, which Coffey and Dickey will soon be power-vomiting at each other to our collective hilarity.

Thank you, gentlemen. May I have another?